dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
