what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
