Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize