don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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