If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
