when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
