he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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