I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
