so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
