dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
