Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
