Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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