ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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