people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
