Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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