Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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