she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
