nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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