The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
