How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
