I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
bring money and cleavage
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
