I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize