I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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