Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
