someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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