watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
