uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
