Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
