I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you inspire me to be a worse person
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
