Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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