4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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