Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
