so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
