McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
