Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize