You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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