Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
