I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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