my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
