Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
