Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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