i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
be right there i have to get my cape
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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