You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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