Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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