Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
