Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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