you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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