so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
