His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
