The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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