At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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