The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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