How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
