you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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