Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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