Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize