Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
