What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
did i just pee glitter
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
