Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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