my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
