Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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