If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
