i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize