This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
