My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
