Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
