Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
