Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
