Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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